Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Juan and Pedro jokes

I recently read a forum on iSTORYA.NET Humor section and found this thread with the collection of Juan-Pedro jokes. These jokes are so timeless that even when I read it a lot times, it is still funny.

Though there are some corny and below the belt ones, these jokes will surely put a smile in your face.

Below are my favorites:
Note: Mostly are in Bisaya dialect and Tagalog language but I will try to translate in English though the humorous sense will get lesser than it seem to be.

Juan: Tanungin mo ako ng English, sasagutin kita ng Spanish.
Pedro: What is mor important? Heart or Mind?
Juan: Spanish!!!

Juan: Ask me in English, I will reply with Spanish.
Pedro: What is more important? Heart or Mind?
Juan: Spanish!!!


 Juan: Pedro 1+1 kuno b?
Pedro: Kana ra juan? eh di 5
Juan: Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
Pedro: Nganu tawa man ka Juan?
Juan: Wala lang tuo nako wala ka kabalo

Juan: Pedro, 1+1?
Pedro: Is that all? Of course, 5
Juan: Hahahahahhahahaha!
Pedro: Why are you laughing, Juan?\
Juan: Nothing, I thought you don't know.


Kulas, Pedro, Juan naka sala sa tribu
Bathala: kamu tulo pangita ug prutas 10 ka bouk parehu ug klase tanan.

Naka una ug balik si Kulas!
Bathala: ang buhaton e pasok sa lobot ang 10 ka prutas mu katawa patay! mu shagit patay!
Kulas: nag dala ug mga apples. ni shagit patay!
Pedro: nag dala ug 10 ka grapes! pag sulod sa ika 9 nga grapes ni ktawa patay!

Sa langit...
Kulas: Bai Pedro nganu ni katawa man ka sayanga woe buhi ta ka!
Pedro: kita man gyd ko ni Juan nag dala 10 ka bouk durian .

Kulas, Pedro and Juan committed sin against a tribe.
Bathala (tribal god): All of you must find 10 fruits of the same kind.

Kulas came back first.
Bathala: You must put all that 10 fruits inside your butt. If you laugh, you will die! If you shout, you will die!
Kulas brought 10 apples, he shouted and died!
Pedro brought 10 grapes, when the 9th piece of grapes is inserted, he laughs and died!

In heaven...
Kulas: Pedro,why did you laugh? It was second to the last piece. You should've live!
Pedro: Coz I saw Juan with10 durians!


Teacher: Class, our lesson for today is Science. What is Science?
Juan: (raises his hand) Ma'am! Ma'am!
Teacher: Yes, Juan?
Juan: Ma'am, Science is our lesson for today.


Gputlan ni Juan ug usa ka tiil ang langaw......
Juan: LUPAD!!.... Nilupad ang langaw....
Giputol niya tanan tiil....
Juan: LUPAD!... Nilupad gihapon ang langaw...
Giputol niya ang Pako...
Juan: LUPAD! LUPAD!! LUPPPAAADDDDD!... Wala nakalupad ang langaw...
Juan: I, therefore conclude, nga ang langaw basta putlan ug Pako.. MABUNGOL..


Juan cut one leg of a housefly.
Juan: FLY!.... Housefly flies.
He then cut all the legs.
Juan: FLY!... Housefly again flies.
He then cut the wings.
Juan: FLY! FLY! FFFFLLLLLLYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!.... The housefly never flies.
Juan: I, therefore conclude, that the housefly when wings are cut becomes DEAF...


More jokes here.

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